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Baggage

2

Dear Street Sage,

I am about to turn 30, most of my friends are married with kids in the future. All I want is to date someone who isn’t married or divorced, doesn’t have kids but does have a job. Is this to much to ask for at my age?

– Feeling Old

Dear Feeling Old,

Stop it. 30 now is not 30 like it ever was before. In today’s world, we get married later in life. Women used to put careers on hold to have families, not now. Yes, it is discouraging, especially if you are wanting babies. Stop dating married men if you want a commitment, stop dating guys with kids if you don’t want them to have kids. A man with a job is always sexier than one without. As far as divorced… don’t hate on a man because he tried a commitment that didn’t work. Find out the reason behind the divorce first.

Think of your own baggage? Naturally, as we get older, we carry more and more baggage. It’ll be a rare thing at 30 if you find someone with zero baggage. You need to find someone who’s baggage fits with yours. It’s not impossible.

To officially answer your question: No, it is not to much to ask for. It’s ok to have standards, but try being open to the past of others. The more open you are to different types of people, the more likely you are to find someone who’s baggage fits with yours.

That’s just my opinion.

– Street Sage

Cheating

2

Dear Street Sage, 

I’ve been dating this guy for almost a year and I think he may be cheating on me. I’ve asked him about it and he denies it. But he’s been distant and we’ve been having less sex. I don’t want to become the crazy girlfriend, how can I find out if he is really cheating?

– Confused

Dear Confused,

If you have not ended the relationship at this point you must believe him on some level that he is not cheating. Either that, or you believe he is cheating and you don’t care enough to leave him. There are many different kinds of relationships out there. But if you have not agreed to be in some sort of open relationship, cheating is not OK. It seems to me you need to spell things out very clearly, make him talk to you about what’s going on with him. Is there extra stress at work or within his family? Usually when there is extra stress added to life, sex drive goes down. Maybe he wants to end your relationship and doesn’t know how….

Suggestions:

– Wait it out, see if he gets through his slump

– Tell him if he doesn’t talk to you about what’s going on you’ll leave him, hear his response, act accordingly

– End the relationship. If you are not happy, not getting enough sex,  always worried about him cheating and he is not communicating with you then it doesn’t seem to be a very healthy relationship

I am a firm believer that we, as humans, will do anything in life until we can no longer do it. That is just my opinion.

– Street Sage