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Married?

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Dear Street Sage, 

What are your thoughts on dating a married person? Am I a bad person if I do? I have a strong connection with this person on many levels, I just don’t know what to do.

– Confused

Dear Confused-

You are not a bad person. You can not help who you fall in love with. The thing is with married people is that they are married. More often than not they are going to stay married. How long have you know this person? How long have you had a connection? Has this person made any sort of move forward in getting a divorce? If the answer is ‘no’, then you know a divorce is not on the table. There are always reason for dating outside of marriage, some of them are legitimate reasons, but you have to know your reasons for allowing it. Sometimes it’s worth it to be loved, even if it’s only on random evenings at your place, as long as you never spend the night together. But do you really want to put yourself in a relationship where you NEVER come first? A relationship where you can’t be mad if they cheat on you because most likely it was with their WIFE/HUSBAND? Why let yourself fall in love with someone who can’t give you a happy ending? Don’t fool yourself, be realistic. Think of your own needs. You deserve the best someone can offer you, we all do.

You say you have a strong connection with this person, embrace that. As people we need to embrace those relationships as often as we can. We have more than one soul mate, I know I do. You have to be strong because loving the wrong person hurts. It always hurts. But, we’re survivors by nature, and you will get through this.

Again, I would like to say, you are not a bad person. You need to start thinking more about yourself, thinking this is the kind of relationship you deserve is just wrong. I’m sorry. In any relationship the best of someone is what should be expected as well as offered. I’ll give you my tangent on relationships next week. But for now, think more of yourself, believe you deserve better and go sleep with someone random to help yourself move on.

That’s just my opinion.

– The Street Sage

Baggage

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Dear Street Sage,

I am about to turn 30, most of my friends are married with kids in the future. All I want is to date someone who isn’t married or divorced, doesn’t have kids but does have a job. Is this to much to ask for at my age?

– Feeling Old

Dear Feeling Old,

Stop it. 30 now is not 30 like it ever was before. In today’s world, we get married later in life. Women used to put careers on hold to have families, not now. Yes, it is discouraging, especially if you are wanting babies. Stop dating married men if you want a commitment, stop dating guys with kids if you don’t want them to have kids. A man with a job is always sexier than one without. As far as divorced… don’t hate on a man because he tried a commitment that didn’t work. Find out the reason behind the divorce first.

Think of your own baggage? Naturally, as we get older, we carry more and more baggage. It’ll be a rare thing at 30 if you find someone with zero baggage. You need to find someone who’s baggage fits with yours. It’s not impossible.

To officially answer your question: No, it is not to much to ask for. It’s ok to have standards, but try being open to the past of others. The more open you are to different types of people, the more likely you are to find someone who’s baggage fits with yours.

That’s just my opinion.

– Street Sage