Vast Archives of Wisdom

Home › Relationship

Relationship Tangent

0

There are many kinds of relationships: emotional, friendly, physical, sexual, unhealthy, professional, open, faithful, monogamist, confusing…etc..

How many categories can you fit in? Sometimes you can get a good combo platter going. Ya know, open relationships are hard, but they work for some people. You find out pretty quick if you are one of those people, but be careful because you might not think you are then something slips and all of a sudden you are that person  you thought was so terrible before.

We can not judge what works for someone else. There are religions and cultures that embrace marriages with more than one person. This works for them, who am I to judge. There are people who date married people and justify it. There are men and women who marry as a cover so they can date the same sex and not have people bothering them. There are people who just have sex with as many people as possible. Some people go from one abusive relationship to the next and some people can only figure out friendship.

It’s important to remember not to hurt anyone. It doesn’t matter the type of relationship, as long as there is respect. Always be open and honest about what type of relationship you’re in. Be on the same page, always, it’s only fair.

Oh, and don’t forget about yourself. Are you happy? If you are not happy in any relationship, leave. You can’t save anyone, you need to make yourself happy above anything else. Obviously there are circumstances involving children, that’s a whole new tangent. Make, Yourself. Happy. It’s the relationship with yourself that lasts a life time.

That’s just my opinion.

– The Street Sage

Married?

0

Dear Street Sage, 

What are your thoughts on dating a married person? Am I a bad person if I do? I have a strong connection with this person on many levels, I just don’t know what to do.

– Confused

Dear Confused-

You are not a bad person. You can not help who you fall in love with. The thing is with married people is that they are married. More often than not they are going to stay married. How long have you know this person? How long have you had a connection? Has this person made any sort of move forward in getting a divorce? If the answer is ‘no’, then you know a divorce is not on the table. There are always reason for dating outside of marriage, some of them are legitimate reasons, but you have to know your reasons for allowing it. Sometimes it’s worth it to be loved, even if it’s only on random evenings at your place, as long as you never spend the night together. But do you really want to put yourself in a relationship where you NEVER come first? A relationship where you can’t be mad if they cheat on you because most likely it was with their WIFE/HUSBAND? Why let yourself fall in love with someone who can’t give you a happy ending? Don’t fool yourself, be realistic. Think of your own needs. You deserve the best someone can offer you, we all do.

You say you have a strong connection with this person, embrace that. As people we need to embrace those relationships as often as we can. We have more than one soul mate, I know I do. You have to be strong because loving the wrong person hurts. It always hurts. But, we’re survivors by nature, and you will get through this.

Again, I would like to say, you are not a bad person. You need to start thinking more about yourself, thinking this is the kind of relationship you deserve is just wrong. I’m sorry. In any relationship the best of someone is what should be expected as well as offered. I’ll give you my tangent on relationships next week. But for now, think more of yourself, believe you deserve better and go sleep with someone random to help yourself move on.

That’s just my opinion.

– The Street Sage

Friend Zone

0

Dear Street Sage –

I’m a bigger girl; thick, fat, curvy, pleasantly plump, etc.. I am very confidant in who I am, I know I have a great personality and generally people like me, however, I don’t date often. I have lots of guy friends, some have said (way to late) that they have had feelings for me…the guys I have dated always end up being…let’s just say, not the right guy. I feel like I have dated every guy who has ever been vocal about liking me, my friends tell me I am wrong. How do you know you’re putting people in “friend zone”? I also lose confidence when it comes to guys liking me. I feel like it is hard for me to believe that someone could actually like me, in that way. I listen to guys talk, I know the type of girl they comment on and I’m definitely not that. How can I make sure I don’t put guys in the friend zone to quickly?

– Friend Zone

Dear Friend Zone –

If you’re anything like me, and I know I am, you love people. When you are very open and friendly it intimidates guys and they don’t think they have a chance with you. Let’s face it, the good guys aren’t confidant enough to think they have a chance with someone who is so sure of themselves. unfortunately for women the confidant guys are assholes, usually. As far as how big you are, it shouldn’t matter. Not to someone who really cares about you. If some guy doesn’t want to date you because of your weight, he’s not the right guy for you anyway. Even though you seem to be a very confidant person in some respects it also seems like you need to love yourself just a little bit more, thick girls can be just as sexy, you just have to believe that. The moment you don’t believe a guy could actually like you is the same moment you have put the relationship in friend zone. It may feel like you have dated every guy that has ever vocally stated their feelings but I find that hard to believe, how many people have you had crushes on and didn’t act on it? We live in an era where men feel as if they shouldn’t be the only ones making moves. An era where asking someone out on Facebook is acceptable and online dating makes more sense to people than actually having a conversation to find out if you’re compatible. TImes they are a changin’. Maybe you should start being more vocal on your own feelings…

That’s just my opinion.

– The Street Sage