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Friend Zone

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Dear Street Sage –

I’m a bigger girl; thick, fat, curvy, pleasantly plump, etc.. I am very confidant in who I am, I know I have a great personality and generally people like me, however, I don’t date often. I have lots of guy friends, some have said (way to late) that they have had feelings for me…the guys I have dated always end up being…let’s just say, not the right guy. I feel like I have dated every guy who has ever been vocal about liking me, my friends tell me I am wrong. How do you know you’re putting people in “friend zone”? I also lose confidence when it comes to guys liking me. I feel like it is hard for me to believe that someone could actually like me, in that way. I listen to guys talk, I know the type of girl they comment on and I’m definitely not that. How can I make sure I don’t put guys in the friend zone to quickly?

– Friend Zone

Dear Friend Zone –

If you’re anything like me, and I know I am, you love people. When you are very open and friendly it intimidates guys and they don’t think they have a chance with you. Let’s face it, the good guys aren’t confidant enough to think they have a chance with someone who is so sure of themselves. unfortunately for women the confidant guys are assholes, usually. As far as how big you are, it shouldn’t matter. Not to someone who really cares about you. If some guy doesn’t want to date you because of your weight, he’s not the right guy for you anyway. Even though you seem to be a very confidant person in some respects it also seems like you need to love yourself just a little bit more, thick girls can be just as sexy, you just have to believe that. The moment you don’t believe a guy could actually like you is the same moment you have put the relationship in friend zone. It may feel like you have dated every guy that has ever vocally stated their feelings but I find that hard to believe, how many people have you had crushes on and didn’t act on it? We live in an era where men feel as if they shouldn’t be the only ones making moves. An era where asking someone out on Facebook is acceptable and online dating makes more sense to people than actually having a conversation to find out if you’re compatible. TImes they are a changin’. Maybe you should start being more vocal on your own feelings…

That’s just my opinion.

– The Street Sage

Business with Pleasure

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Dear Street Sage,

I am in my mid twenties, I have a life long desire to own my own company, I’m gay and I am in lust with the man I would like to run a business with. Can I have my man and business too? I haven’t told him that I like him as more than a friend and I also have not told him we should do business together…I guess I’m just lost in lust. I think I’m in friend zone to top it off. What should I do?

Business Man

Dear Business Man,

Running a business is very tricky, running it with a friend, lover, partner etc. gets even trickier. It’s not impossible, it all depends on who you are and who he is and what kind of business you run. But lets take things slow…

Step 1: Tell the guy you like him. You need to find out if you are stressing over nothing. Maybe he put you in friend zone because he thinks you are not an option for him. Or maybe you put your self in friend zone…Either way, you need to find out.

Step 1 A: If he likes you too, work on the relationship for a while before you decided to start a business together, you don’t want to jump in to two relationships at the same time, that never works for anyone.

Step 1 B: If he wants to be friends only, it is your job to not make it awkward and find a way to keep the friendship. Wait long enough to know your friendship is still solid, then talk business.

Once your feelings have been figured out then you can focus on the business side of things. You can not start a business with someone you have secret feelings for. Do not make up a romantic relationship in your head, read into things that aren’t there, hope that if business things go well then maybe one day…. No. Stop it. Put the business side of things away for now, you are young enough to find another person to go into business with if need be. Follow your heart first.

That’s just my opinion.

The Street Sage

Significant Others

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Dear Street Sage, 

 How honest can friends and family be when they’re not crazy about someone’s significant other?

-G.B

Dear G.B.,

That is a great question and one that does not come with an easy answer. Ultimately we hope our friends and family are in happy, healthy relationships. If you have concerns that you want to express to a friend or family member about their significant other, it is important that you do it in a way that won’t push that person away from you. Often times when presented with concerns people react in a way to prove you wrong. Especially if they don’t see the issue. Try not to be fake about how you treat said person. If you are overly kind and friendly to the significant other, the one you are not fond of, you may throw your friend for a loop. This could cause a whole new issue. You know your friend or family member best so you should decide the approach, some options could be….

1. Be very out right and vocal about your concerns and don’t sugar coat the situation. I would suggest this option more so if there was an abusive relationship of any kind, emotional, sexual or physical.

2. Drop small hints or concerns at appropriate times. This option would be helpful when your friend has doubts.

3. Wait it out. Sometimes it is important for people to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes you can’t find what you want until you know what you don’t want.

One thing for sure, never be mean and never make them feel like you will not be around should they chose to stay with said person. Questions can often be helpful, “Are you happy?”, “Oh, you don’t seem to happy about…is everything ok?”, “I noticed you’ve been…that doesn’t seem like you, what changed?”.

Remember, people will always do what they are doing, until they can’t do it anymore. That goes for anything, what job you have, what friendships you keep and any kind of romantic relationship.

That’s just my opinion, good luck.

– Street Sage